Potential Zombie Outbreak in Alaska
The zombieclock team has detected a potential outbreak in the United States of America within the tiny family owned Happy Cow Cattle Ranch, located in the small farm loop of Anchorage.
Scenes on the ground
Within an hour of ZombieClock confirming the outbreak location we had a scientific team on the ground combing the area for clues. The owners of Happy Cow Cattle Ranch seemed confused to see us there and rather aggressively insisted that we leave. This was not a good sign, they were obviously trying to hide something. The teams security division luckily managed to persuade them to spend an indefinate amount of time in the luxurious ZombieClock containment facility while we made sure their ranch was safe. This is a standard proceedure and gives our interrogation team some much needed practice.
The ranch itself is in a fairly secluded location and we have seen no other people in the vicinity, zombified or otherwise. With the area secured our team moved in to find the source of the outbreak.
What is Happy Cow Cattle Ranch
Happy Cow Cattle Ranch is a small cattle ranch located within the Anchorage farm loop. This ranch currently looks after 100 or so domesticated cows, which gently graze in a field opposite the main ranch house where the Happy Cow family were staying. The ranch appears to have been in operation since 1923 and ,from what the team can gather, is a completely normal cattle ranch.
The only strange thing we can find about this ranch is the fact that it appears to have no online presence whatsoever. We couldnt find a website or even a simple social media profile. Considering this is a commerical operation our team immediately found this suspicious. It is almost like they did not want to be found. What are they hiding?
A cursory investigation of the ranch house reveals a damning clue. A bottle of BuckFast, half drunk and sitting on the kitchen table. We are astounded that this dangerous beverage is here at all, where did they find it? What were they doing with it? Just who are the Happy Cow family?
Happy Cows?
After securing the area, our first thought was for the cows. The cows did not seem happy. In fact they seemed very upset. Although they made little noise, we could tell by their overall demenour that all was not well. For a ranch such as Happy Cows, we naturally assumed these cows would be extremely happy. The fact that they were not spoke volumes as to the severity of the situation.
After several hours talking with and trying to determine the source of the cows poor emotional state, our team discovered some telltale symptoms of an advanced Bratarius Andoline Disease (Bovine) outbreak, or as it is more commonly known BADcow. When we recieved the results back from the ZombieClock field lab, we confirmed that this was unfortunately the case.
Zombie Deer Link?
Bratarius Andoline Disease (Bovine) is a rare mutation of the more common "Zombie Deer Disease" or "Chronic Wasting Disease". As we all know, Zombie Deer Disease does not produce Zombie deer. This is ridiculous. Although a series condition affecting more and more deer in the Northern Americas, Zombie Deer disease would never be tracked by ZombieClock unless a mutation occured. This appears to have been the case with this latest outbreak of BADcow. Although Bratarius Andoline Disease (Bovine) is well known to scientists and academic scholors around the world, our lab tests have uncovered some unsettling differences between a standard BADcow infection and this latest outbreak.
From scientific analysis of the new infection we have determined that the initial BADcow infection has indeed mutated. As ZombieClock researchers have discovered this new disease, our head of research, Bill is taking the honour of naming the disease upon himself. Henceforth this new infection will now been known as Zombie Deer Chronic Wasting Bratarius Andoline Disease (bovine) or superBADcow.
BADcow versus superBADcow
Both diseases are similar, however a key difference between them is that a superBADcow infection can eventually lead to full zombiefication whereas a regular BADcow infection generally just puts the cow in a bad mood for several days.
BADcow symptoms
- Minor changes in coloration
- Lack of appetite
- Change in Moo tones
- An eagerness to eat untreated grass
- General feeling of malaise
- Mild headaches
- An unaccountable fear of goats
- Milk produced will generally have a slightly different taste
superBADcow symptoms
- Major changes in coloration
- Lack of appetite
- Extreme change in Moo tones
- An eagerness to eat human flesh
- Extreme feeling of malaise
- Painful headaches
- An unaccountable terror of goats
- Milk produced will generally taste like bannanas
- Total and irreversable zombification
As you can see, superBADcow disease is extremely dangerous and should be treated with extreme caution and scientific diligence. If you see a cow infected with superBADcow, our most scientific advice is for you to run immediately and get in contact with zombieclock as soon as possible via our Official Forum.
How did this happen?
After the startling discovery of superBADcow, our team immediately looked to establish the source of this new plague. After talking to the ranch owners extensively at our secure facility we determined several factors that we believe combined to create this new illness.
- FACTOR 1: The ranchers appears to be heavily abusing Buckfast. All of the staff appears to have very mild asymtomatic superBOB infections.
- FACTOR 2: One of the ranchers appears to have had regular contact with Deer infected with the Zombie Deer illness.
- FACTOR 3: Unverfied, however it appears as if some of the infected cows may have inadvertently consumed Buckfast.
As our scientific diagram shows these terrible links, each likely harmless in themselves, have led to the development of an extremely dangerous disease that greatly impacts our bovine friends.
What happens next?
As a precaution the ZombieClock team has taken all livestock from the Happy Cow Cattle Ranch and reloacted them to our secure facility for further study and scientific analysis. As an added bonus, we now have a near unlimited supply of bannana flavoured milk, which when properly treated using our anti zombie scientific techniques is actually somewhat palatable.
The owners of the ranch remain our guests and will do until further notice.
All traces of the Happy Cow Cattle Ranch have been surgically removed with the help of the local authorities. This is simply a precaution, as always we will be monitoring the situation carefully for any new emergences in the surrounding area.
Comments and questions
Please direct all questions or comments about this latest outbreak and the efforts by our team to contain it to our Official Forum. If you have news of any other superBADcow infections please get in touch immediately and we will mobilise a team to welcome you and everyone in your vicinity to our underground "guest" facilities. Please do not contact us about regular Bratarius Andoline Disease (Bovine) outbreaks. These are incredibly common among bovine livestock and in the vast majority of cases, completely harmless.